"Before" pictures

Posting my before pictures so I can track my progress.

A lot of people might look at these and wonder if I'm anorexic or if I have a distorted image of my body when I say I need to lose weight. I'm not and I don't. I'm being extremely honest with myself. The truth is that I've let myself go over the years. Exercise has always been easy, up until this last year when I started personal training and going the gym became a bit more challenging. After spending a day in a gym, the last thing I want to do sometimes is spend more time in there for myself. But I'm working on that and it's not the biggest part of the problem. My eating has always been the issue. Back when I was cutting weight to make a weight division for a martial art, I went through cycles of restriction, bingeing and excessive exercise. My relation with food, to say the least, is awful. Food has come to fill an emotional need. Whether I'm bored, angry, sad, happy, nervous, stressed... food is my answer. And genetically, I seem to be predisposed to gain weight mostly in my abdominal area. I've become so self-conscious that I always suck my stomach in when I'm in public and I get depressed whenever I get dressed in the morning because nothing looks right.



These are my "before" pictures and measurements. On the pictures, I commented on the things that I don't like about my body. I want to accept them and have everything in the open so that on the tougher days when temptation feels harder to resist, I can revisit these photos and remind myself why I need to change.

So this is my "before" state, now what I do I want for my "after" state?

1. To decrease my body fat, especially in my mid-section
2. Improve my posture by improving flexibility
3. Get stronger, leaner and faster
4. Most important of all, live a healthy lifestyle in all dimensions of wellness (physical, emotional, intellectual, financial, occupational, social, environmental - post to come later on these)
5. Be in control of my life and feel alive, full of energy and ready to take on the world!



J2H

Recap: Tuesday March 1st

Turning in for the night but thought I'd just jot down how my day went.

My day was pretty awesome. Started off training one of my favorite clients. Then learned that I got a much better grade than anticipated on my midterm (only one mistake!). I was over the moon, so happy and proud of myself. After that, I had two hours to spare and I spent it marking up the last assignments for my professor. I debated spending that time watching a tv show instead but I knew I wanted to be done marking today so I hammered through the marking.

After class, I stopped and bought a stir-fry from Thai Express. That was a little weak point in my day. I had food in the fridge back at my apartment but it didn't seem appealing at the time. So I bought a stir-fry on my way home. Not something I want to do often, but once in a while is okay. I enjoyed it while watching an episode of Gossip Girl.

I spent the next hour and a half replying to clients and typing up some programs. Went grocery shopping and only bought fresh produce, no junk food! I allowed myself a bag of dark chocolate covered almonds :)

I spent the next 2 hours cleaning and preparing my "before" pictures that I plan to post tomorrow. Wasn't feeling hungry at all (probably because of my big lunch) so ended up eating later around 9pm. Had some quiche and some pineapple and that was enough!

The only missing element was exercise. If I'd been more productive over the weekend, I could have finished the marking and had time to workout this morning. But I'm okay with that because my time was spent productively. I also am realizing how easy it becomes to not feel hungry all the time when I'm busy getting things done. It's very easy to feel hungry when you're bored. When you're up and about running errands and concentrating on work, your mind is too busy to feel hunger.

Introducing myself

Who am I?

I am currently single, hold a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and am working as a self-employed personal trainer. Looking back at my life so far, I can't say I've had a tough time of it. I have loving parents who have always been extremely supportive of everything I do. I've had the opportunity to travel around the world thanks to sport. As soon as I graduated, I had jobs lined up right away. I have some great friends that I can really connect with. I succeed at almost everything I try, if I put in the time and effort. I can speak three languages (French, English, and Japanese), although my Japanese still needs a lot of work.

As you can see, my life seems pretty great. But that's what most people see on the outside. On the inside, I'm struggling. I'm not taking good care of myself. I've gained weight, some of it through lack of physical activity, but most of it through poor eating habits. I waste hours on end binge-watching TV shows. I leave almost everything to the last minute. I am not sleeping enough. I let things accumulate (e.g. dishes, laundry, homework) instead of taking care of it right away. I feel lazy, unmotivated, stressed and overwhelmed. I make tons of to-do lists but barely get anything done. I have so many things I'd like to do but I never have time because I'm always running behind. I'm not really living, but rather simply existing. Going through the motions without deriving much pleasure or satisfaction.

The worst part is that the only thing preventing me from living the life I want to live is ME. I am my own worst enemy. I have all the tools I need to succeed, yet time after time, I fall back into destructive patterns of behaviour (e.g. binge-watching TV shows while consuming junk food). 

As a personal trainer, I'm supposed to be a role model of health for my clients. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit that some of my clients live a much healthier lifestyle than me. Who am I to lecture them on proper eating habits if I'm not even doing so myself? Hypocritical, I know. All I can say is that we all struggle with something, whether it be nutrition, exercise, stress, relationships, finances, etc.

So why am I writing this blog? 

I want to document my journey as I make changes every day to become healthier. It will take time, but I want to be able to look back and see how far I've come. In the process, I'd like to inspire others to do the same. It doesn't matter who you are, or where you're starting from. All that matters is THAT YOU START. 

Yours faithfully,

J2H